“Beep, Beep, Beep!” I barely open my eyes and look at my phone. It’s my morning alarm. Not believing what I see, I press the snooze and go back to sleep. After ten minutes, it beeps again and I get up scratching my head. Its 6:00 a.m. and my day has begun.
I come out of the shower and try to hurry up. I start the coffee, chop some onions, jalapeno, and bell peppers for the omelet. I put the bread in the toaster, take out the plates and cook the omelet. I take out the lunch boxes and make the salad for my husband and me to take to work. I put the salad in the lunch boxes, omelet on the plates and pour the coffee in the mugs. I set the table for breakfast and then I realize that it’s 7 o’clock.
“Wake up, Aadi. Today is Tuesday, time to go to school.” You guessed it right. That’s my adorable son. He is 8 but behaves like a 5-year-old. He opens his eyes and says no, I smile and tell him, mommy is getting late to work. I give him his hearing aids. He puts them on and runs to the restroom. I get dressed for work and when he comes out from the restroom, I help him get ready and check his backpack. I leave his room telling him, “wear your shoes, take your backpack and go and eat breakfast.”
“Its 7:25, I don’t want to be late. I will take my breakfast in a box. You can eat breakfast with Aadi”, I tell my husband. “Its everyday thing for you, okay, be safe”, He tells me and he is right, I hardly ever get a chance to eat breakfast with them.
“Mom!” Aadi runs and gives me a hug as soon as I enter his classroom to pick him up after work. His teacher tells me about what they did during the day, “Today we did additions. He did well.” We come home and Aadi starts playing with his toys. “Noodles?” Aadi asks me and I tell him, “Yes, mom is going to cook noodles. Do you want a cookie?” He says yes and I give him two cookies and water and start cooking the noodles.
“Aadi, how was your day?” asks my husband as soon as he comes home. I ask him what you want me to cook for dinner. He says “anything”. I decide the dinner menu on my own and start prepping for it.
“Aadi, let’s go and study”, I tell my son, as it is the time I spend with him working on his homework and teaching him new things. “Not now”, he says but goes to his room to get the notebooks and pencils for the study time.
“Okay, put your I-pad away and its time to go to bed, its 8 o’clock”, I tell my son and he puts down his I-pad and runs to his playroom to get some toys and he goes to his room. I go with him, help him put his hearing aids in the box and rub his forehead softly until he falls asleep. Its 8:30 p.m. and I am tired now, I turn on the TV and this is the first time in the day that I get to relax. My husband is in his home office. I watch TV for a while and then load the dishes in the dishwasher. Now it’s time to go to bed and get ready for another day.
I am a working mom and I feel guilty about it. I know I am a working mom by choice but that doesn’t stop me from feeling sad about it. As a working mom, I have chosen a hard life for me. I get up at 6:00 in the morning and go to bed around 10 at night. All these waking hours I am working. Life as a working mom is hard. It’s like working two jobs plus a load of guilt. You must be thinking why I feel guilty. After my pregnancy, I went back to work when my son was just one month old. He has been with babysitters until he started going to preschool. I feel guilty because I am not there if he has any activities during school time, as I am at work. I miss so many events while other parents are there with their kids.
You must also be wondering why I chose a hard life for me. The answer is not that simple. I am from India, a male dominated society, where not very long ago, the girls were not even sent to schools. They never got a chance to get educated. Their main purpose in life was to get married and take care of their families. I have never liked this idea. I am lucky that I was brought up in a family where I got a chance to get my education. I have a Master’s Degree and I am a working woman.
Since, I got a chance which most women don’t get, I don’t want to let that go to waste. I am working to show the Indian women, that women can work, they can take care of their kids, they can do all. Yes, they have superpowers.
“For women, working is not just about money, it’s about becoming independent”, I tell my husband. “It gives you freedom, you are no longer required to ask for each and everything from someone else.” He agrees with me, well that’s what I like about him that he cares for the issues which are important to me.
I think I will keep working and keep feeling guilty. I know I love my son and I am doing everything I can to give him a good life.
Before going to bed, I go to my son’s room and kiss him saying in my heart, “I love you and will always love you”.
